Often when a child is misbehaving, we try to impose our own beliefs of how he should be acting or reacting before we truly try to understand the situation from his point of view. Rather than focusing on encouraging positive behaviour, we tend to focus on discouraging bad behaviour. Although it seems that both approaches would bring about the same desired results, the differences between encouragement and discouragement are great.
“Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?”
Instead of forcing an apology, in Montessori classrooms the check in system is used. If the child does not want to check in, you can model the behaviour by asking for them. “I see that Jake has a bump on her arm, there is a red spot. Jake, is there anything Camden can do to help you feel better?” Sometimes the injured child needs some help coming up with options. Needing space, an ice pack, snack or an apology are all options that we use.
“How can we solve this problem? We need ideas!”
This teaches the child that their ideas are valuable and gives them practice solving a problem. It also helps the child take responsibility for the problem and, it turns out, they will be more likely to use the solution if they came up with it themselves!
“I saw you working hard.”
This phrase focuses on the process, not the final product. It is a wonderful phrase to use instead of “good job.” I love to follow up by asking “What’s your favourite part?” or “Can you tell me about it?”
“Which part would you like my help with?”
A tired child may feel overwhelmed with helping to tidy up. Try “which colour would you like me to put away” or “I’ll put away the yellow pieces and you put away the blue” to show that you’re in it together.
